The best solution to feeling wronged
This morning, I read a message that left me feeling quite upset, as well as misjudged. I let my feelings roll me in a blanket of self-depreciation and had a long cry, mentally and verbally beating myself up along the way. As the day dragged me along, a vague emptiness settled in near my sternum and pulsated with negative thoughts and questions directed both inward and outward. That sick emptiness is a sensation I have fought against throughout much of my life. Whenever someone has seriously wronged me, left my life, done me harm, or something has left me suddenly without purpose, that sensation returns; it mocks me, it laughs at me, it nails letters of worthlessness and uselessness to my ribs, it leaves marks on me that take more and more time to fade– in short, it is detrimental to me, to those I love, to the life I want to live, and to the human being I strive to be.
But I stumbled on an answer. Literally and figuratively. In a discussion with my close friend Bear, I noted that I miss feeling whole. I miss the feeling of being part of something greater than myself that I can throw my mind and heart into. I miss the comforting completeness that comes with devoting myself to another soul. And when I found this on my StumbleUpon account, something in the back of my head put two and two together– the sum was hope, with a side dish of purpose.
Being a serial knitter, I decided to dive into the project immediately, and my goal is to finish one side of the sweater in a week and a half. With three weeks total for this project that puts my deadline at February the 7th.
So– my epiphany can be summed up thusly: when you feel the world has given you an unfair turn, let yourself feel what you may feel; emotional reactions are healthy, and a part of the human experience. But to prevent a negative feeling’s evolution into something dark and detrimental, be selfless. If someone causes you harm or unhappiness, do something to bring hope and love to someone else’s existence. In the doing of kindness for another being, you may find a sort of forgiveness for what wrong has fallen upon you. And just imagine– if you could– what peace would flow in to replace the bare spaces vacated by what once was a place of hurting.
1/20/12: The link above appears to be wonky, so here is the url for those interested: www.worldvision.org/content.nsf/getinvolved/knit-for-kids